Banned from zoo.
Again?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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