Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
