I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.