Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm always down for nudity.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
