Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
