Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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