She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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