She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
