ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
