BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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