Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
