I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
