My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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