Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
