i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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