i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
