The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
