I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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