at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
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