Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
