you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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