Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
