cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
