just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
