I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
