Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
