My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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