The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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