So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
