the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
