the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
