my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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