I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
