My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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