That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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