you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
my liver is dry heaving
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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