saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
