I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
