and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
