when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
