Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
