??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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