it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
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chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
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He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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