i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
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Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
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It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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