Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
