you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
