New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
