Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Couch. On fire.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
