hell yes lets make some ravioli
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
