You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
