please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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