Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
