then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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