we have officially lost it.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
