neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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