This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
