my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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