So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We need to rekindle our bromance
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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