I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
