I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
