You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
