Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
