wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
