...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
