I can text with my tongue
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
where are my eyebrows?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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