I'm so fucking centered right now
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
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