I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My friends, they love my intelligence
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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