Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
