she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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