Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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