Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
